Senior Funnies Part 2

Because our seniors always bring a smile to our face...

"Hearing Better Now"
An elderly man was having hearing problems and went to see a specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought his hearing back to full strength.
After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was.
The hearing specialist said, “It all seems perfect. Your family should be delighted you can hear everything now.”
“Oh no,” the man responded. “I haven’t told any of them. I just sit quietly, listening carefully. I’ve changed my will four times.”


"Three Senior Pals"
Three seniors are out for a stroll.
One of them remarks, “It’s windy.”
Another replies, “No way. It’s Thursday.”
The last one says, “Me too. Let’s have a soda.”

"The Old Days"

Grandpa was telling his young grandson what life was like when he was a boy.
"In the winter we’d ice skate on our pond. In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope. And we had a pony we rode all over the farm."
The little boy was amazed, and sat silently for a minute. Finally he said, "Granddad, I wish I'd gotten to know you a lot sooner!" 

The Best Scene

Many are familiar with the movie "The War Room". If you have seen the movie, this is probably your favorite part. (and worth watching again!) But, if you haven't seen it, this is the ending. You will have to see the entire movie to fully grasp the beauty of Mrs. Clara's prayer, but this gives such a powerful reminder of the power of a praying Christian!
Senior adults... your influence, prayers, faithful example are powerful!

 

The Path They Set Before Us

Life is a journey, not a race. Facing the experiences of life therefore requires faith rather than speed.

 Through God's presence and encouragement, we can find the faith and endurance needed to deal with all the experiences of life. Most older adults have relied on faith and endurance for decades as they have navigated and overcome the dark times of our nation's young history. Their strength of faith has been a model for generations that have followed in their footsteps of leadership. Consider the obstacles many of our older generations have overcome: global war, depression, technological change, social upheaval - experiences that have touched every one of us in some way. Christian senior adults truly can testify to the strength they have found in the theme verse for this year's emphasis:

 “Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen” (Hebrews 11:1, Holman CSB).

 We love our seniors and look forward to Senior Adult Day which is this Sunday...May 1!

   

  

Mother's Day Breakfast

Mark the date!   There will be a breakfast hosted by our men and served to our mothers on Mother's Day morning - May 8 at 8:30 AM.  All moms and families are invited to this special time to show love and appreciation to our moms. 

Family Ministries Meal

The menu for this week's Family Ministries Meal will be:

 

• Pork Chops
• Mashed Potatoes
• Cabbage
• Salad
• Rolls
• Dessert

 

Meal begins at 5:30 PM, ministries begin at 6:30 PM.  Come and be a part of Family Ministries!

Senior Funnies

Next Sunday is Senior Adult Day, a day set aside to show honor and appreciation to our senior adults.  We deeply love and appreciate our seniors and will spend some time this week acknowledging and smiling with them...beginning with a few funnies:

 

Married Four Times

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought... He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it...)

- She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

 

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening at church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "STOP! ACTS 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of the lord, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell scripture at you."

"SCRIPTURE?!" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's!

 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet
pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has   passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"   "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.
He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

 

 

 

 

Fan or Follower

Sunday's sermon brought out the differences in being a fan of Jesus or a true follower.  Here are some powerful quotes to ponder from the sermon.  

“Instead of identifying myself as a follower because I know about Jesus, I understand that I am a follower because I know Jesus.” 

“Fans don’t mind him doing a little touch-up work, but Jesus wants complete renovation. Fans come to Jesus thinking tune-up, but Jesus is thinking overhaul. Fans think a little makeup is fine, but Jesus is thinking makeover. Fans think a little decorating is required, but Jesus wants a complete remodel. Fans want Jesus to inspire them, but Jesus wants to interfere with their lives.” 

“Many have made a decision to believe in Jesus without making a commitment to follow Jesus.” 

“My concern is that many of our churches in America have gone from being sanctuaries to becoming stadiums. And every week all the fans come to the stadium where they cheer for Jesus but have no interest in truly following him. The biggest threat to the church today is fans who call themselves Christians but aren’t actually interested in following Christ.” 

“the grace of God doesn’t simply invite us to follow … it teaches us to follow.” 

“The biggest threat to the church today is fans who call themselves Christians but aren’t actually interested in following Christ. They want to be close enough to Jesus to get all the benefits, but not so close that it requires anything from them.” 

5 Relationships Every Christian Needs

We are created for community.  Christians need to be connected for encouragement, fellowship and discipleship.  We need relationships.  Here is a list of different types of relationships and how they can stretch us, build us up and flow from us.

1. God—I know this one’s a given, but too often we know God in our head and not in our heart. Having a genuine relationship with God means wanting to speak to Him, hear from Him, be obedient to Him and tell others about Him. I’m not sure many believers have that kind of relationship with our Creator.

2. A “Paul”—All believers need a mature brother or sister in Christ who mentors them, who guides them in life to walk more and more with Jesus. A “Paul” has permission to ask you any questions, to drill down deeply into your life so even your secret places are still honoring to God.

3. A “Barnabas”—A “Barnabas” is a peer, a friend who encourages you to be faithful to God. He knows you well enough to read your eyes and understand your heart, but he’s also the guy who just “hangs out” with you for the fun of it. He’s a brother who’s close to where you are in his walk with God, and your goal is to grow together.

4. A “Timothy”—“Timothy” is a younger believer into whose life you invest yourself (which, of course, makes you a “Paul” to him). He’s the believer who watches your life, listening and learning from you as you spend time together. Your Timothy wants to be like God because you are, and this “Paul/Timothy” relationship is a fundamental New Testament model of discipleship.

5. A “Samaritan woman” or a “rich young ruler”—The Samaritan woman and the rich young ruler are examples of nonbelievers who encountered Jesus. All of us need an intentional relationship with some nonbeliever, whether it’s a woman at the well, a rich young ruler or a religious Pharisee. If you don’t have such a relationship, it’s going to be difficult to be a Great Commission Christian who shares the good news.

Family Ministries Meal

The menu for this week's Family Ministries Meal will be Hamburger Noodle Bake, Green Beans, Corn on the Cob, Salad, Rolls and Dessert.  Meal begins at 5:30 PM followed by Family Ministries at 6:30 PM.

“Meals slow things down. Some of us don’t like that. We like to get things done. But meals force you to be people oriented instead of task oriented. Sharing a meal is not the only way to build relationships, but it is number one on the list” 

Senior Adult Day

We are planning a special day on May 1.  It will be "Senior Adult Day" which is a day set aside to love, show appreciation and honor to out senior adults (ages 55 +).

Our senior adults have laid the foundation and been an example in the church for many years.  They have lived out an example of faithfulness, ministry, love and service. Here are a few reasons to celebrate them...

• For their many years of service to the Lord through His church
• For their happy smiles and positive attitudes
• For their continued support of the Lord's work through His church
• For their consistent and regular attendance in the activities of churches
• For their many years of teaching, serving on committees, and leadership in the life of the church
• For continuing to run the race and not to faint as they serve

Senior Adults, be encouraged to come Sunday May 1 and let us bless you.  There will be some special things in the morning service and we will follow with a lunch provided for you immediately after in the fellowship hall. 

Ways To Honor the Lord

Sunday's sermon inspired us to honor Jesus.  3 ways were shared to encourage us to show Him the honor He is worthy of.

We Are To Honor Jesus:

In Our Home:

How welcome is Jesus in our homes? If He were to come to our home, would we scramble to change anything? As followers of Jesus Christ we should strive to have homes where Jesus is always the unseen guest. We should strive to live the kind of lives in private that could be viewed publicly without any embarrassment or shame. May we strive to live a life where He is welcome and our homes bring honor to Him. Honoring Jesus means taking account that He is always present.

From Our Hearts:

Some biblical examples of honoring Jesus - Martha served, Lazarus basked in His presence, but Mary gave Him her best.  We should honor Jesus with our lives - Do we give God our best?  The better we know Him, the greater we worship Him. When you're in love with Jesus, the aroma of that love, of that reverence, of that fellowship bleeds out all around you. Even as the aroma filled the house where Jesus was, it will fill the place wherever you are.

Honor Jesus when the opportunity is at hand:

We don't have to be in church to honor Jesus. God wants our love and our worship to be spontaneous; He wants us to be passionate about honoring and loving Him; He wants it to become a magnificent obsession. While there are many good things about solemn and formalized worship, that which comes as a natural response to our love for Him is usually most heart-felt. The honor Mary gave to Jesus was authentic and natural. She honored Jesus when the opportunity was at hand.

Are you looking for ways in your everyday experience to bring honor and glory to Christ?

Here are four practical suggestions:

1. Make Him the unseen guest at all times. Some folks leave an empty chair at the table to remind them of His presence, and sometimes a physical reminder of His spiritual presence can be helpful.
2. Make a practice of meditating on Him and His Word. Out of sight, out of mind is more than a saying, it is a truth. The more you meditate on Him and His word the more you will be cognizant of His presence with you.
3. Make a practice of talking to others about Him. One of the ways we honor Jesus is to speak to others about Him. In fact, to bless the Lord means to speak well of Him.
4. Ask God to open your spiritual eyes to see opportunities where Jesus can be honored in your everyday experience. God is at work around us, enabling us to bring Glory to Him. The more sensitive we are to His working, the more we will be aware of opportunities to honor Him.

BLESS Others

B – Begin with prayer. We want you to ask, ‘God how do you want me to bless the people in the places you’ve sent me to?’

L – Listen. Don’t talk, but listen to people, their struggles, their pains, in the places God sent you.

E – Eat. You can’t just check this off. It’s not quick. You have to have a meal with people or a cup of coffee. It builds relationships.

S – Serve. If you listen with people and you eat with people they will tell you how to love them and you’ll know how to serve them.

S – Story. When the time is right, now we talk and we share the story of how Jesus changed our life.

Men's Conference

 

 

There will be a Men's Conference on April 23 at First Baptist Church.  Special guest is Phil Downer who is a popular national speaker at men’s events such as Iron Sharpens Iron and Promise Keepers and speaks to all branches of the U. S. military at voluntary chapels on leadership, core values, and the truths he has learned that have transformed his life.

 

The conference will be from 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM with a $20.00 cost which covers food and materials.

 

Phil Downer serves as President of Discipleship Network of America (DNA). DNA is a nationwide network of people committed to following Christ’s life of winning and discipling others to become disciple makers. The spiritual reproductive ministry of DNA flows out of the lives of people focused on Christ in their work, marriage, family, neighbourhood, and church. If you would like more information about DNA visit the website Discipleship Network of America.

Family Ministries Meal Menu

This week's menu for Family Ministries is Chicken Pot Pie, Broccoli, Pear Salad, Vegetables and Dessert.  Meal begins at 5:30 PM.  Ministries for the entire family begin at 6:30 PM.

"The church is the gathering of God's children, where they can be helped and fed like babies and then guided by her motherly care, grow up to manhood in maturity of faith." John Calvin

10 Powerful Prayers Paul Prayed for God's People

The apostle Paul prayed fervently, diligently and powerfully. He wrote an example of many prayers that we can pray today for God's people.  Here are 10 powerful prayers based on Paul's prayers.

1. Paul thanked God for each one of his people.

2. Paul prayed for their wisdom and knowledge.

3. Paul prayed they would be full of hope.

4. Paul prayed they would live in peace and unity.

5. Paul prayed they would be strengthened with spiritual power.

6. Paul prayed they would learn to abide in Christ.

7. Paul prayed they would grow in their love for others.

8. Paul prayed for their righteousness and purity.

9. Paul prayed they would overflow with praise and thanks to God.

10. Paul prayed for opportunities to minister to them.

Annual SBA Missions Conference

The Suwannee Baptist Association’s Annual Mission Celebration will be Sunday night (April 10).   This will be held at Wellborn Baptist Church from 6:00—8:00 PM. There will be no prepared meal this year.  We will not be having an evening service Sunday night in order to allow church family to support the association wide event.

Free Furniture

We have some furniture that is no longer being used in our Sunday School classes. We would like to give it away and hope that someone in our church family or friends can use it. Please let Bro. Dave know if you would like to have it.

 

 

Children's Easter

A few pictures from our Children's Easter Activity! Wonderful children, wonderful day!

Family Ministries This Week

This week's menu for Family Ministries will be Pulled Pork, Baked Beans, Scalloped Potatoes, Cole Slaw, Vegetables and Dessert.  Meal begins at 5:30 PM, followed by Family Ministries.

While we prepare for Family Ministries, let's be reminded to pray for Judy H. (she is one of those faithful cooks who prepares delicious desserts each week).  She will be having a heart procedure on Wednesday and we want to pray that this goes well.

Bags of Blessings

Our Children's Ministry Project "Bags of Blessings" was a huge success, thanks to the generous support of our church family. Bags of Blessings is a weekly ministry of a church in our association that provides food for the weekend for children who may not have sufficient food. This ministry provides 45 bags with peanut butter, jelly, bread and snacks. Our project goal was to provide a week's worth of bags for the children. With the outpouring of love and generosity from Antioch, we did the 45 bags plus will almost have enough to complete this ministry again in the future. Thank you so much, for your support!

VBS Is Coming!!!

Vacation Bible School is coming soon! Click the button for more information and to pre-register your children!

VBS 2016